Ghost and Gota

Ghost of the past going after Gota (Original Title)

Sunday Times’ Satire

My dear Gota,

I thought I must write to you because you seem to be in the news these days even though you are holidaying in Trump Land and not even here in Paradise where everyone is getting ready with kavum, kokis and kiribath to celebrate the New Year — and, perhaps, also the end of power cuts!

Rumour has it that you hope to become the leader of Paradise soon after the next big race which must be held by the end of the year. No one has officially announced that you are contesting, but I think that is obvious to everyone-, except to Aiyo Sirisena who believes that he is the only suitable candidate.

Can you tell us why the ‘Pohottuwa’ chaps have not yet announced that you are running the big race, Gota? We know that Mahinda maama gave you his blessings. The rest of the ‘sahodara samaagama’ — Chamal and Basil — endorsed you, too. So, why are you delaying the obvious and the inevitable?

Besides, you are already acting as if you are not only the candidate but the big boss, addressing meetings everywhere outlining your vision for Paradise. All of a sudden, messages about you are appearing on the Facebook pages of those in Paradise. In fact, your campaign has already begun.

Is it because you are worried that if you make an official announcement, they will try to scuttle your plans by hook or by crook, Gota? Well, if that is your fear, I think your rivals are taking no chances. That is why we heard that you were served with summons at a car park somewhere in Trump Land.

Gota, we haven’t heard anything officially from your side. There were reports and even a photo suggesting that you were served with summons. On the other hand, Namal baby says nothing of that sort occurred. As someone who hopes to lead us, can you be honest and tells us what really happened?

Apparently, Lasantha’s daughter is among those who had summons served on you. You do have some questions to answer in regard to his killing which is being investigated in Paradise, too. Summons are being served on you for that in Trump Land after ten years, so there must be a reason for that, too.

We hadn’t heard of the other person who served summons on you. However, the person who heads the outfit which organised it was none other than Yasmin, who was on Ban Ki Moon’s expert panel. We know how biased they were. So, that summons is not worth the paper it is written on.

I suppose your supporters will now use this complaint to hail you as a war hero and argue that you are being punished for ending terrorism. There is some truth in that. However, others will argue that you could not have been unaware about what happened to Lasantha. There is some truth in that, too.

Whatever the reasons, why all these people are emerging from the woodwork right now is because they want you entangled in some legal issue in Trump Land. Then, you will not be able to get rid of your citizenship in Trump land — and that would mean that you will not be able to run the big race.

You shouldn’t be worrying only about what is going on in Trump Land. There is plenty happening right here in Paradise, too. Now, Aiyo Sirisena says he wants to ask the highest courts whether he can stay on until June next year, because that was when the nineteenth amendment was passed in to law.

Aiyo Sirisena has forgotten that only last year, the highest court dismissed his plans to stay on for six years, confirming that he had to leave after five. Now the chap is trying to say that his five-year term began late because he can then preside when the general elections are called and choose the next PM!

I am no legal expert but common sense tells me that if he asks that question from the highest court, he will be told in no uncertain terms what he should do — and they might even start inquiring into that previous complaint querying his sanity. Still, these are all matters you should be aware of, Gota.

The Greens also have a little present for you. They want to appoint the Field Marshall as Minister of Internal Affairs. If that happens, he will be in charge of matters related to citizenship. He is not on the list of people you send Christmas cards to — and matters can then get a little awkward, can’t they?

If the Field Marshall has to sign off on you finally renouncing your dual citizenship, that would be like putting the fox in charge of the chickens, wouldn’t it? After all, he couldn’t have forgotten how he was stripped of his uniform, rank and pension and dumped in jail during Mahinda maama’s time!

I know you are aware of all this, Gota, as you prepare for the biggest race of your life. Many are trying to prevent you, not from winning but from running that race. There will be more twists in your journey — and you can rest assured that we will be watching your progress with great interest.

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: I wonder whether you remember the BBC interview where you were asked about Lasantha’s death — and you laughed in the interviewer’s face and asked ‘Who is Lasantha?’ and said he was just another person. Wouldn’t it be quite ironic if the answer to your question, ten years later, turned out to be the person who, from his grave, stopped you from running for the top job?