When those who should stay leave, and those who should leave, stay

Sunday Times Satire

My Dear ‘Maco’ Mahinda,

I thought I will write to you when I heard that you wanted to resign if provincial councils elections are not held by November this year. Although I am not sure why you said so, I was happy that at least someone has the courage to say they will resign if they can’t do what they are supposed to do.

I am not sure whether you really wanted to resign, Mahinda, because the deadline you have set is in November and we all know that by then, not only elections for the provincial councils but elections for the top job in the country have to be called and held. Are you hoping for a regime change, then?

You might still get your wish because, right now, only the ‘other’ Mahinda’s ‘pohottuwa’ chaps seem to want elections and that too only because they feel they can win them. To be fair, however, when Mahinda maama was in power, he did hold elections whenever they were due – or even earlier!

The Greens have now got the government all to themselves though AiyoSirisena keeps reminding them that he is the boss by trying to undo whatever the Greens do. Still, having provincial council polls is not high on the Greens’ agenda – and after the local government polls, we all know why that is.

They keep telling us – as I’m sure they tell you, Mahinda – that now that the laws have been changed once, they need to be changed again if the elections are to be held soon. I’m sure the Green Man will appoint yet another committee and wait for its outcome, just so he can buy a few months’ more time.

We did hear Aiyo Sirisena also demanding that provincial elections be held soon. That sounded a bit like our cricket team demanding another test series from the Australians. After all, didn’t his Blue party come a poor third at the last election, and that too only with the help of Thondaman’s votes?

Still, your threat to resign is interesting because different people seem to have different views about it. I am sure your namesake, Mahinda maama wouldn’t mind too much, because he knows that you ensured a free and fair election last time – and Mahinda maama is not a great fan of polls of that type.

Aiyo Sirisena won’t worry too much either. You set yourself a deadline of November and if elections for the top job are held by that time, Aiyo Sirisena could himself be out of a job by then – unless he returns to farming in Polonnaruwa as promised, though no one expects him to keep his promises now.

As for the Greens, they are already making disparaging comments about you saying you should be minding your own business instead of talking about resignations. Your business is indeed conducting elections and that is exactly why you are complaining – but then, the Greens don’t see it that way.

Anyway, Mahinda, I thought you had set a good example by offering to resign if you cannot – or are not allowed to – do your job properly. Just imagine what a great country this would be if everyone thought like you did and was willing to resign if they are unable to do their job properly.

Aiyo Sirisena could have said that he will resign if he cannot establish good governance but he would have been long gone if that was the case. Maybe now he should say that he will resign if he cannot execute at least one drug offender in the next three months because that seems to be his latest passion.

The Green Man could have promised to resign from the party leadership if he does not win the next election. That won’t work because it hasn’t worked for the last 29 elections. Maybe he can say he will resign if the Greens get less than 30 per cent of the vote – and he may still have to go.

Mahinda maama should promise to resign from politics altogether if he cannot get nominations for the next big elections for anyone from his family. Still, he will be safe for a few generations to come because, with Rohitha already married, the next generation of the ‘R’s maybe already on the way.

With none of those in charge of the affairs of Paradise wanting to resign if they can stay put, I don’t see what good it will do if you resign instead. On the other hand, if you don’t, we can at least get rid of them through our vote because you hold free and fair elections. Think about it, will you, Mahinda?

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: Resignations should however be compulsory in our cricket set-up. When our national team loses more than three series, the person heading Sri Lanka Cricket should be forced to resign. Players should resign too – whenever their wives comment about other players on social media!

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