Reflections on Age
(From an Email pal)
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.
People get out of the way much faster now
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.
Now they drink like their fathers.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?
Cartoon embedded by TW
That’s common sense leaving your body.
I didn’t make it to the gym today.
That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”.
I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment.
Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is…”
I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
I don’t have gray hair; I have “wisdom highlights.”
I’m just very wise.
Teach your daughter how to shoot,
because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone
I can’t understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
I am a Seenager, (Senior teenager).
I’ve seen it all and I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later:
I don’t have to go to school or work.
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the whisky store.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
And I don’t have acne.
Life is great. I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
How true. The person would value your company when alive and not after death. Our funerals are for socializing.
Strange things mostly we Buddhists do in the name of “It’s Our Culture” this may be relevant for all religions….
*1. We care more for the dead than we do for the living*
*2. We spend more to bury a person than we do to save their life.*
*3. We will not travel to go and see a sick relative but will travel
to bury him/her*
*4. People will rarely respect you while alive but will want to “pay
their last respects” when you are in your casket.*
Cartoon added by TW
*5. A person may NEVER receive roses in their entire life but they
will get lots dumped on their graveyard.*
*6. We will spend a night at a neighbour’s funeral and it will be our
first time to see the inside of their house!*
*7. No one gives a damn to know where you live until you die and they
will all fill car after cars to “escort” your corpse.*
*8. We will take the dead to the places of worship knowing fully well
they had nothing to do with worship while they were alive.*
*9. We might not have granite tops in our kitchens but use the granite
in the graveyard!*
*10. In some homes there might not have tiled floors but the only
place with expensive tiles will be a graveyard!*
*It is proposed we have “Cultural Reforms” but we have a culture of
“hypocrisy”… a culture that is “Pro-death” and NOT “Pro-life!”*.
*WE NEED TO LEARN TO VALUE THE PERSONS WHEN THEY ARE ALIVE AND NOT
AFTER THEY ARE DEAD*