Sri Lanka’s Rugby Joke and Banned Jokes

Courtesy: Email Acquaintance

Laugh and Share (Pictures embedded by ThinkWorth)

Long lines

A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line.

“Did you manage to kill him?”, everyone asks him.

“No, that line is longer than this one, he replies.

Robber meets Rajapaksadownload

Robber: Give me all your money!

Rajapaksa: Do you know who I am? I am Mahinda Percy Rajapaksa.

Robber: OK. Give me all my money.

TV anchor announcing:

Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Rajapaksa and are demanding £5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have already donated five litres.

Postmaster General announcing

To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Sri Lanka Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Sri Lanka are confused which side on the stamp to spit on.

Announcement In Mihin Lanka airplane

Mr. President, we are about to land. Could you please put Keheliya Rambukwella (Information Minister) in an upright position? Thank you.

Sri Lankan meets an American

Sri Lankan to American: What do you guys do with thieves?

American: We treat them humanely and give them nice food, warm clothes and long jury trials.

Sri Lankan: That’s nothing. We give them the Presidency.

Genie meets Sri Lankan

Genie to Sri Lankan: Order me my master. What can I do for you?

Sri Lankan to Genie: Bring me all the wealth in the Swiss bank.

Genie: My name is Genie, not Rajapaksa.

President Mahinda Rajapakse walks into Bank of Ceylon to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says: Good Morning, madam, could you please cash this cheque for me?

Sri Lanka's SecretsCashier: It would be my pleasure,Sir. Could you please show me your ID?

PRESIDENT: (utterly shocked) I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need. I am Mahinda Rajapakse, the President of Sri Lanka!

Cashier: Yes Sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc., I must insist on seeing your ID.

PRESIDENT: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!
Cashier: I am sorry Mr. President, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them strictly.

PRESIDENT: I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque. Shiranthi has gone to America and Namal has, by mistake, taken the keys of the safe with him. I need some extra spending money urgently.

Cashier: look Mr. President, this is what we can do. Some months back, Sarath Fonseka came into the bank without ID. To prove he was the ex General, he showed his tummy scars. With those scar marks, we knew him to be ex General and cashed his cheque.

On another occasion, Sanath Jayasuriya came in without his ID. To prove his identity, he just went out and hit sixes. With that we knew for certain that he was indeed Sanath himself, and we cashed his cheque. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of Sri Lanka?

PRESIDENT stood there thinking, thinking and thinking, and finally said: Honestly, my mind is totally blank ….. there is nothing that comes to my mind… I can’t think of a single thing!!!

Cashier: There you are! That is enough. Now I don’t have any doubt that you are our President Mahinda Rajapakse. In what denominations would you like the cash, Mr. President?

Vengeful Politics And Rugby: Phone Calls To My Brothers

By Namal Rajapaksa

Namal Rajapaksa MP

Those who know me and my two brothers know well how deeply we love the sport of rugby.

Having begun playing around the age of six, we played during school, during college, captained university teams and finally represented Sri Lanka internationally. In addition to enjoying the game, in recent years, we also tried to do whatever we could to elevate the sport in Sri Lanka for younger generations that will follow us in the years to come. In this effort, we brought down internationally-acclaimed rugby players to Sri Lanka and worked to get access for our players to obtain playing experience abroad.

In all honesty, we simply enjoyed playing the game. And as we began to reach the final stages of our sports careers, we felt like we should try to give back to a sport that had given us all so much. I think and hope that these efforts would have made at least a small contribution to the development of the game.

Today, we’re incredibly saddened to see that the bitter, vengeful politics that took over this country after elections earlier this month, have even made its way to the sports sector. Just a few days ago, my brothers –Rohitha and Yoshitha – were both informed, by telephone, not to attend rugby practice. No reasons were given. They were just asked not to come.

Mahinda and sons/ File photo

Not wanting to tarnish the sport through any potential conflict, we took a decision to simply respect the request and not question the decision regardless of how unjust it seems. Though deeply hurtful, we felt this would be the best decision we could make at this time.

For some, rugby was also a part of politics. But for the three of us, it was the sport we loved.

On behalf of both of my brothers and myself, I want express our deepest gratitude to all those who supported us during our rugby careers. I think you all know how sincerely we loved the game. And if given the opportunity, we will never hesitate for a moment to contribute to the development of the sport in any way that we can.

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